Spillin' out of Blond Grey Matter

Well it's Sunday on Labor Day Weekend. My son and I were suppose to go to Ensenada Mexico for the Holiday, but too many local parties with all the old neighborhood boys grown up, tall with changed voices. No, going to Mexico with mom didn't seem to be an attractive closing to summer. "Boring" was the word of choice. I could have continued on with the plan, spending the close of summer 2004 on a beach of solitude, exchanging short conversations with my host(ess), but instead I remain close to where my child, growing so fast, chooses to be. Watching my youngest child grow into a man is quite unsettling at times. He has his driver's license, has just broken up with his girlfriend of 6 months, and continues to adore me, in spite of himself. He as a cell phone, which unlike his older sisters, keeps him in touch during these partying high school years. The long list of kids that I recall by name only, are in his circle of associations when they used to be only teammates and classmates with no other connection, save but a few. He appears happy, somewhat too casual about his education, wants a job so he can buy a car and most of all seems so comfortable with who he is.

A distinction should be made between self-esteem and self-confidence. Both being positive attitudes, self-esteem is centered more on how one feels about oneself in terms of liking the person you are. Self-confidence seems more the consequence of a force that gives an individual the ability and courage to challenge things. If both these attitudes are genuine, a healthy person is the effect. My son told me that in his Psychology course at school, if a baby isn't held and nurtured they will become selfish and insensitive adults. He said he was glad I held him alot. During my divorce from his dad, I thought it wise to get him into therapy to help deal with the break up of the family. At the time, he was so sensitized to the events, that he was acting out the stress of the trauma. Treatment was a method used to treat vets who suffer from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) called EMDR ..."EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy has emerged as aprocedure to be reckoned with in psychology....Almost a million people have been treated ....Also, further research appears to support the remarkable claims made for EMDR therapy." Further on the EMDR Institute's website..."After EMDR processing, clients generally report that the emotional distress related to the memory has been eliminated, or greatly decreased, and that they have gained important cognitive insights. Importantly, these emotional and cognitive changes usually result in spontaneous behavioral and personal change, which are further enhanced with standard EMDR procedures." (http://www.emdr.com).

Well, there are times when my boy seems a little insensitive about Mama's wishes and fears.
I've never been a disciplinarian, and my authority over my kids is limited to my knowledge of alot of facts, which I am more than happy to share with them. When they don't talk to me, my self-confidence as a parent comes under attack from my instable self-esteem. But, most times, my children are reading off the same page as me, or at least, they know what book I'm reading. They can explain their mother rather well, and they do it with affection and a weird type of reverence saved for things in life that are strange and unique. Wisdom is what I wish for my children...generosity and honesty being the other virtues I believe they will acquire, if they haven't already. I feel very blessed that these children who have come through me, chose me for this time.